Of Graduation and Moving On

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

May peace be upon you, dear readers.

3 years has passed since I wrote my last post. So, what happened during the off-radar period?

1) Alhamdulillah, I have graduated with a degree in Chemistry from University of Glasgow on June 2017.

My family and I - we got new addition to the family, baby Zahra. Such a cheeky little girl and cute too. By the way, graduates from Scottish universities does not wear mortar board during graduation ceremony. I wore it just for fun. :D

2) I'm back in Malaysia and currently working in a company in which my mom's the boss.
3) I have attended a German language course and planning to continue learning until I obtained the A2 certificate.

Basically, that's it.

WELL, IT'S NOT.

I kept spending my whole day every day regretting my past - thinking what I could have done better when I was still in the uni. Even with my degree, I still couldn't secure any job in chemical sectors, be it a chemist or lab assistant. My self-esteem went downhill, I'm feeling insecure, helpless and hopeless.

I had a conversation with my mom yesterday. It's a long conversation, so I'll just write the gist of it or at least, what I understood from the talk - I should have set up a concrete plan for my future from the start or at least before I graduated. Because now I'm lost, not sure what to do. If it weren't the fact that my mom owns a company, I will be jobless.

It has been 8 months since I graduated and I still couldn't figure out what I want to do - whether to work or continue my study. I did applied for jobs as advertised in Jobstreet, haven't got any offer so far. Got rejected many times - giving up seems to be the best option.

Even for Masters, I couldn't made up my mind - do I want to continue in Chemistry or try other courses such as MBA or Chemical Engineering. I am beyond grateful that I managed to apply for one Master course at USM, still waiting for reply though.

I am well aware of my problems, it's just that instead of facing them, I chose to hide and recluse myself in my created universe, my comfort zone. It is a place where you just go with the flow, accepting whatever that is in front of you. But there's a part of me that wants to live an adventurous life - I do not mean by backpacking and travelling - but by taking risks in every choice that I make. There's also another part of me that wants to stay, not wanting to be hurt by the cruel reality of the world.

Now I'm in a limbo, stuck between this two choices.

Or am I?

For it may be that I created the limbo on purpose or I am just being blinded with my daydreams (an alternate world where I imagine myself being perfect), preferring it than my real life.

I do not know. 

My dear fellow readers, I can not foresee the future and know how my life will turned out. I am not expecting the impossible, I just want to live my life happily and be grateful with everything that I had. At one point, I will be tired with daydreaming and regretting, and maybe that will be my turning point. I'm waiting for it, the leap of faith. I will make the leap without a doubt, I'm sure.

Maybe then I can finally move on.

To become a better person.
A good daughter, a good sister.
An obedient servant to my Lord.

Until then, I will try my best to live every single day and not giving up on my life.

And Allah knows best.

Das ist alles.

Goodbye for now. :)

3 Generasi (1)

Bismillah,
Jam menunjukkan 7.14 malam,
Opah di hadapan tv menyatakan kerisauannya terhadap ibuku yg belum balik lagi.
Dia suruh aku telefon ibuku,tanya kat mana dan bila nak balik.
Aku telefon ibuku.
Ibu kata,"on the way,skrg dkt traffic light jusco."
Aku meletak gagang.
Dan meng-update blog.

Tanpa rasa risau langsung.

Nak masuk maghrib kot?
Tak elok kat luar waktu senja.

=.=''

Pelik betul budak2 zaman sekarang.
Teguran untuk aku sekali la.

Kulit mak.

Bismillah,
Pertama sekali,mohon maaf sbb lama x post entry baru.
Second,post kali ini agak carca marba sedikit. Harap maaf. :-)
Tadi,aku baru sahaja sapu losen kat kaki dan tangan mak aku.
Sebelum ni,jarang aku nak buat. Dengan pelbagai alasan,aku cuba sedaya upaya utk mengelak drpd melakukan kerja tu.
Hari ini aku melakukannya.
Dan aku melihat kulit tangannya.
Kulitnya dah mula kendur..aku x reti nak menggambarkan tp yg pasti,ia dah x setegang dahulu. Kolagen dah kurang.
Ibuku berkata,"dah timbul urat-urat kat tangan."
Aku melihat sekali lagi di tangannya.
Ya..benar apa yang dia katakan.
Umurnya dah mencecah 40+.
Tak tahu kalau lama lagi....
Ah..Allah lebih mengetahui.
Cukuplah Allah sebagai pelindungnya.

Kalian semua,hargailah ibu kalian selagi hayat dikandung badan.
Aku akui aku bukanlah anak yg baik tapi aku ingin cuba. Cuba dan cuba sehingga berjaya. Insya Allahu Ta'ala. :-)

Islah Nafsak Wad'u Ghairak.
Perbaiki diri sendiri sambil mengajak orang lain. Lebih kurang camtulah ayatnya. Dipetik drpd Sheikh Mustapha Masyhur.

Ya,aku ingin masuk syurga beramai-ramai. Bersama keluargaku,sahabat-sahabatku dan kalian semua,saudara-saudaraku.