Of Graduation and Moving On

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

May peace be upon you, dear readers.

3 years has passed since I wrote my last post. So, what happened during the off-radar period?

1) Alhamdulillah, I have graduated with a degree in Chemistry from University of Glasgow on June 2017.

My family and I - we got new addition to the family, baby Zahra. Such a cheeky little girl and cute too. By the way, graduates from Scottish universities does not wear mortar board during graduation ceremony. I wore it just for fun. :D

2) I'm back in Malaysia and currently working in a company in which my mom's the boss.
3) I have attended a German language course and planning to continue learning until I obtained the A2 certificate.

Basically, that's it.

WELL, IT'S NOT.

I kept spending my whole day every day regretting my past - thinking what I could have done better when I was still in the uni. Even with my degree, I still couldn't secure any job in chemical sectors, be it a chemist or lab assistant. My self-esteem went downhill, I'm feeling insecure, helpless and hopeless.

I had a conversation with my mom yesterday. It's a long conversation, so I'll just write the gist of it or at least, what I understood from the talk - I should have set up a concrete plan for my future from the start or at least before I graduated. Because now I'm lost, not sure what to do. If it weren't the fact that my mom owns a company, I will be jobless.

It has been 8 months since I graduated and I still couldn't figure out what I want to do - whether to work or continue my study. I did applied for jobs as advertised in Jobstreet, haven't got any offer so far. Got rejected many times - giving up seems to be the best option.

Even for Masters, I couldn't made up my mind - do I want to continue in Chemistry or try other courses such as MBA or Chemical Engineering. I am beyond grateful that I managed to apply for one Master course at USM, still waiting for reply though.

I am well aware of my problems, it's just that instead of facing them, I chose to hide and recluse myself in my created universe, my comfort zone. It is a place where you just go with the flow, accepting whatever that is in front of you. But there's a part of me that wants to live an adventurous life - I do not mean by backpacking and travelling - but by taking risks in every choice that I make. There's also another part of me that wants to stay, not wanting to be hurt by the cruel reality of the world.

Now I'm in a limbo, stuck between this two choices.

Or am I?

For it may be that I created the limbo on purpose or I am just being blinded with my daydreams (an alternate world where I imagine myself being perfect), preferring it than my real life.

I do not know. 

My dear fellow readers, I can not foresee the future and know how my life will turned out. I am not expecting the impossible, I just want to live my life happily and be grateful with everything that I had. At one point, I will be tired with daydreaming and regretting, and maybe that will be my turning point. I'm waiting for it, the leap of faith. I will make the leap without a doubt, I'm sure.

Maybe then I can finally move on.

To become a better person.
A good daughter, a good sister.
An obedient servant to my Lord.

Until then, I will try my best to live every single day and not giving up on my life.

And Allah knows best.

Das ist alles.

Goodbye for now. :)

Coretan hidup yang tidak sempurna

Bismillah,

Dah lama x post apa2 di sini. *melihat habuk yang makin tebal kat blog ni*
Haha.

Rasanya post kali ini sekadar membersihkan habuk2 je.

Apa khabar aku di sini?
Alhamdulillah, Allah beri kesempatan untuk hidup sehari lagi.

*clichè giler*

Apa perkembangan aku kat sini?
Insya Allah, lebih baik dan akan menjadi bertambah baik. Bermacam-macam ragam manusia yang Allah tunjukkan kepadaku, teman dan sahabat2 yang Dia kirimkan kepadaku dan pengalaman2 yang banyak mengajar erti kehidupan walaupun aku masih tak dapat nak grab apa maksud di sebalik setiap perkara.

Apa perancangan aku pada masa hadapan?
Itu soalan, memang.. ( ^_^ )y
Wallahua'lam.

*yelah sangat - nampak sangat malas nak menaip (ˇ︿ˇ)*

Amacam Glasgow?
Bak kata oghe , it's the wettest winter in 100 years. Masih menunggu salji lebat menutupi bumi. Alhamdulillah, dapat pegang dan rasa salji tapi setakat ni, salji turun sekali ngan hujan.

Rindu Malaysia tak?
Soalan apa ni? Haha. Mestilah. Bak kat peribahasa Melayu, hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri.
Aku rindu ma, pa, adik, semua ahli keluarga, kwn2, dan rakyat Malaysia.
Masakan,juadah. Hiruk-pikuk. Perangai. Cuaca. Suasana. Bahasa.
Banyak lagi wo....

Public Message: Terima kasih kepada pembayar2 cukai di Malaysia. Dengan izin Allah, duit tuan2 dan puan2 digunakan untuk menaja para pelajar ke luar negara. Mohon halal dunia dan akhirat. May Allah bless you all.

Sampai di sini dulu. Kalau aku rajin, dengan izinNya juga, aku hias blog ni dengan post aku. Mungkin lepas ni post benda yang lebih bermanfaat untuk saham akhirat aku.

Wallahua'lam. السلام عليكم.