Of Graduation and Moving On

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

May peace be upon you, dear readers.

3 years has passed since I wrote my last post. So, what happened during the off-radar period?

1) Alhamdulillah, I have graduated with a degree in Chemistry from University of Glasgow on June 2017.

My family and I - we got new addition to the family, baby Zahra. Such a cheeky little girl and cute too. By the way, graduates from Scottish universities does not wear mortar board during graduation ceremony. I wore it just for fun. :D

2) I'm back in Malaysia and currently working in a company in which my mom's the boss.
3) I have attended a German language course and planning to continue learning until I obtained the A2 certificate.

Basically, that's it.

WELL, IT'S NOT.

I kept spending my whole day every day regretting my past - thinking what I could have done better when I was still in the uni. Even with my degree, I still couldn't secure any job in chemical sectors, be it a chemist or lab assistant. My self-esteem went downhill, I'm feeling insecure, helpless and hopeless.

I had a conversation with my mom yesterday. It's a long conversation, so I'll just write the gist of it or at least, what I understood from the talk - I should have set up a concrete plan for my future from the start or at least before I graduated. Because now I'm lost, not sure what to do. If it weren't the fact that my mom owns a company, I will be jobless.

It has been 8 months since I graduated and I still couldn't figure out what I want to do - whether to work or continue my study. I did applied for jobs as advertised in Jobstreet, haven't got any offer so far. Got rejected many times - giving up seems to be the best option.

Even for Masters, I couldn't made up my mind - do I want to continue in Chemistry or try other courses such as MBA or Chemical Engineering. I am beyond grateful that I managed to apply for one Master course at USM, still waiting for reply though.

I am well aware of my problems, it's just that instead of facing them, I chose to hide and recluse myself in my created universe, my comfort zone. It is a place where you just go with the flow, accepting whatever that is in front of you. But there's a part of me that wants to live an adventurous life - I do not mean by backpacking and travelling - but by taking risks in every choice that I make. There's also another part of me that wants to stay, not wanting to be hurt by the cruel reality of the world.

Now I'm in a limbo, stuck between this two choices.

Or am I?

For it may be that I created the limbo on purpose or I am just being blinded with my daydreams (an alternate world where I imagine myself being perfect), preferring it than my real life.

I do not know. 

My dear fellow readers, I can not foresee the future and know how my life will turned out. I am not expecting the impossible, I just want to live my life happily and be grateful with everything that I had. At one point, I will be tired with daydreaming and regretting, and maybe that will be my turning point. I'm waiting for it, the leap of faith. I will make the leap without a doubt, I'm sure.

Maybe then I can finally move on.

To become a better person.
A good daughter, a good sister.
An obedient servant to my Lord.

Until then, I will try my best to live every single day and not giving up on my life.

And Allah knows best.

Das ist alles.

Goodbye for now. :)

Sajak yang tak berapa nak sajak

Bismillah,

Aku bukan Sufi ataupun Salafi,
Aku hanya manusia yang sedang mencari.

Mengenal Allah, Tuhan yang hakiki.

Pelbagai permisalan telah diberi.
Bekas untuk diisi.
Rumah, istana, takhta.
Sungguh subjektif rupanya hati ini.
Sampaikan kalau rosaknya dia, rosaklah segalanya.

Hidup di dunia sebagai pengembara.
Mengumpul bekalan di setiap persinggahan.
Akan tetapi persinggahan hanya ada satu sahaja, pabila ditinggalkan tidak akan dapat berpatah balik.

Hidup di dunia sebagai hamba. Mencari redha Tuhan di setiap langkah.
Berharap agar Tuhan sentiasa memandangnya dengan kasih, bukannya murka.

Hidup di dunia sebagai khalifah.
Memerintah bumi adil dan saksama.
Setiap makhluk Tuhan ditunaikan hak.
Agar hidup aman dan sentosa.

Sayang seribu kali sayang.
Bani Adam semakin padam.
Padam imannya, padam amalnya.
Padam segala keberahian terhadap Tuhannya.

Di mana cinta seorang hamba pada Tuhannya?

Di masjid?
Di dataran demonstrasi?
Di laman MukaBuku?
Di laman KicauBurung?
Di blog?

Hubb.
Cinta. Pyar. Love.

Tidak akan dapat ditafsirkan melalui kata,mahupun tulisan.

Cari dan rasa.
Kau sendiri harus merasakannya.

Cari. Cari. Cari.
Cari apa?
Harta?
Pangkat?
Dunia?
Cinta?

Aku masih mencari.

Aku bukan Sufi ataupun Salafi.
Ataupun sebarang label yang telah dunia wujudkan.

Aku hanya seorang manusia.
CiptaanNya.
Yang akan kembali menjadi fitrah, tanah.

Dan bila aku kembali kepadaNya,
Dia pasti akan menceritakan segala yang telah ku lakukan.

How to avoid yourself from thinking about sex or masturbating?

Bismillah,
One of the major problem that Muslims face today is pornographic addiction.
It is one of the 'weapons' used by the enemy of Islam in 'Ghazwul Fikr' (serangan pemikiran ) to take down the minds of Muslims all around the world.
So,this note was shared by a friend of mine, Akmal Harith Razak, yesterday on Facebook. The note was originally written in Malay, but I want to enhance my English writing skill and translate it.

HOW TO AVOID FROM THINKING ABOUT SEX OR MASTURBATING?

1. Imagine that you're having sex with a corpse (to increase the fear/disgust,imagine a 
     rotten,full-with-maggots corpse).
2. When you see something that can make you sexually aroused, read the Quran. 
    (Most of the 'bad things' come from the internet which can be access via smartphone,
     laptop,etc.. So,open the Quran apps in your digital devices.)
3. If you are alone and keep thinking about sex,paste Asma Ul Husna (99 Names of Allah) all
    over your room. Walls,of course. Not on the floor.
4. Before using the search engine, ask yourself, "AM I A SERVANT OF MY OWN LUST(NAFS)
    OR A SERVANT OF ALLAH?".
5. Always visit the cemetery to remind yourself about death.
6. Make sure that you have friends that can remind you of Allah, after all, peers have large
    influence in your life.

If you see women that are sexy and tantalizing, imagine that she is involved in a crash. Definitely, she won't be looking very beautiful or sexy,etc.. or even worse, you can imagine her being dead and no skin,nothing except skeleton.

Surah Al-Imran : Verse 31 

Say: If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. 

Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Jika benar kamu mengasihi Allah. maka ikutilah daku, nescaya Allah mengasihi kamu serta mengampunkan dosa-dosa kamu dan (ingatlah), Allah Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Hopefully,all of the tips can bring benefits to all of us. Insya Allah, where there's a will, there's a way.
So,that's all for now. Sharing is caring. :)
Assalamu'alaikum. Peace be upon you.
And don't forget to always..

PRAY FOR SYRIA, PALESTINE AND THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN WRONGED.